Happy Holidays #FrozenOrangeSociety!!! I have missed all of you SO much and own you an explaination for my absence. So this post is my tell-all!!! (Stay tuned for holiday advice and survival tips on getting through the Holidays ED-Free)
First and foremost, I need to apologize to all of you 1000 times over. I have been absent from The Frozen Orange Society due to many factors. I have not forgotten or neglected #thesociety!!! I love all of you far too much.
As most of you know, my transition in recovery has been quite the journey. While my recovery has overall been a large success, we understand that it is not always a straight line to the top. In fact, recovery involves an overwhelming amount of ups and downs.
At times, when my line has plummeted, I’ve had to reminded myself of my previous success.
In the long run, as long as your recovery journey continues to climb, you are on the right path. How does that saying go again? “8 steps forward, 7 steps back.” – remember you have gained that extra step each time!
My recovery has been anything but easy. Many believe that recovery requires shutting your life down and focusing ONLY on your health. Basically, my friends and family expected me to put my entire life on HOLD until I was “healthy enough to continue on with my life.” – when is that exactly?
At the beginning of my journey, this method was absolutely necessary. In order for me to change my habits, thoughts, core beliefs, and patterns, I needed 100% of my focus to be directed strictly at my recovery. I did this by throwing myself into a residential program – no phones, computers, or real contact with my outside life. No distractions or stress factors that could derail my recovery.
At the Walden Eating Disorders Residential Program, I worked day in and day out on only 1 task: my health.
But what comes of recovery when residential treatment is complete? For me, instead of returning to my grueling career in aggressive Miami Beach, I chose to move back in with my family – for the first time since I was 18! I thought this would be comfortable for me. It meant a new place, new people, new career opportunities, and the support of the people who love me, day in and day out.
First of all, I was basically #startingover. I left my real estate career in Florida, and moved back without a career plan. It was important to focus on my health first, but once that was in order, I was left with a million questions… ?????
SO WHAT NOW?
Well, now I can think clearly, and I have all of this time and energy – once devoted primarily to my eating disorder – now completely free to be directed towards new goals.
- What might those goals be?
- What do I do for money now that I am home?
- Am I going to be stuck in my parents house forever?
- Is this what my life has come to?
And those questions were followed by these frantic thoughts and more questions:
- I have no idea what I SHOULD DO!
- My parents tell me what THEY THINK I should do.
- But are they right?
- What if what I SHOULD DO, isn’t what I WANT TO DO?
- WHAT DO I WANT TO DO????
So this has been my last 2 months. I hope you can understand why I haven’t had the time or energy to write.
This new step in recovery has caused stress, which is never good. My parents tell me I should stop AGAIN, and just focus on my health ONLY… but I believe they are wrong.
If I put my life on pause AGAIN, I would just return to the same spot I am in now, only with more time passed and therefore more stress and negative feelings about myself.
I am taking a stand and fighting ED, and right now… I’m literally in a WAR.
I am working through my life and dealing with the stress… and fighting EDs temptations to sabotage- ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
But this is the way I have to do it. I can do it. I’m fighting and I won’t give up.
I deserve the best life possible. I deserve success and happiness. I deserve to live a life full of joy and experience. I will no longer be held back or “put on hold” to recover.
I am recovering and growing and learning and building a life all at the same time.
I will succeed. I am strong enough.